I have decided that it is finally time to sit down and write you all a letter. I have yet to find my address book seems the movers buried it really well in a box that is probably in the garage and has yet to be unpacked. So, instead of the old fashioned snail mail way, I am going with Facebook.
For the last year or so, I had started noticing a slight delay in some of his development (this started around the time he was 18 months old). I had started wondering if I had done something wrong as a parent but at the same time, I was doing the best I could with the situation at hand and Paul in Korea. Given that Paul was gone, I started to think that maybe he didn’t get enough attention, knowing full well that he did or that I wasn’t teaching him correctly but at the same time he was picking up on basic pre-k things such as reciting the entire alphabet before the age of 2, recognizing all upper and lower case letters, memorizing the letter sounds like it was nothing. He also could recognize and name all colors, shapes, etc. When I took him in for his 2 year checkup, I was told based on my answers to an age and development questionnaire that he was right on track and that I had nothing to worry about. It was then again at another appointment for a checkup with his ears that I mentioned my concerns again. It was yet again that I was told he was fine. By this time, I felt like that “paranoid” mom who was worrying too much. As time passed, I couldn’t shake that gut feeling and I started to notice him falling further and further behind in his speech and noticing that he was throwing a lot of fits and having more and more meltdowns in public when we would go places. It had finally reached a point when I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without it being a production. In fact, I felt like I couldn’t go anywhere. This became increasingly worse towards the end of this last summer and I kept getting told by people that he was going through the “terrible 2’s.” I refused to believe that was the case. I mean, doesn’t every parent want to believe that they raised a perfect and obedient child?! Well, I guess I was in denial and ignored the comments. I have done my best to raise my son to love Jesus, use his manners, not hit, kick, bite, etc. and he had done a great job at it. He is a very happy little boy but I just knew something wasn’t right. Again, as more time went by, he was becoming even more difficult. It was one day that as I watched him playing and thought, “I wonder if he is autistic…” I then contacted his old pediatrician whom is now a good friend of mine and asked her what she thought. Her son is autistic so she knew what questions to ask me and based on my answers, she suggested I have him checked out. I very quickly got an appointment (at that time, we had just a few weeks before we were moving and it was crunch time). His new pediatrician finally took the time to listen to my concerns as something more than just a mom being paranoid. She also suggested he be seen by someone for this so they could do an evaluation before I left. I was then referred to a pediatric behavioral/developmental specialist 4 days before we moved. We spent 4 gut-wrenching hours in his office doing various tests and questionnaire’s and it was at that time that I was given the heartbreaking news that “99% of individuals with autism display similar behaviors as Connor.” He was not only autistic but he has what is called ‘Sensory Processing Disorder.’ This refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioral responses. If you don’t know much about it, I encourage you to do the research. The cause of his meltdowns had nothing to do with him being a disobedient or stubborn child, he just couldn’t process things the way I could. My stomach had sunk. All I could think was, “This can’t be happening to us.” I felt a small sense of relief to know that I was a great parent as everyone had told me before and I had done nothing wrong to cause it but I was still heartbroken to know that life for my son would be very difficult from here on out. From there, I got to go home and fill Paul in on the diagnosis over Skype. As you can imagine, I think he took it harder being that he was away and wasn’t around to see the subtle changes in our son occur over time like I had. It’s been very difficult for us to deal with but we try to remember that it is in God’s hands and I personally have high hopes that one day my son will be able to look me in the eyes and for the first time, say, “I love you, mommy” or even go to a school where they treat him ‘normal.’ I have been told time and time again, “God won’t give you more than you can handle,” and I believe whole heartedly that this is true. The last few years have been very difficult for us as a family with Paul gone so much, but it has strengthened us in ways we never imagined. I have no doubt in my mind that God carried us through it all and I have no doubt now that he will continue to do so. As of now, we have been living in Texas for approximately a month and have been to countless appointments for Connor to get everything set up for therapy which still won’t start for another 4-6 weeks. Most likely, he will be in therapy 5 days a week and we will be one very busy family. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to discuss this but from what I’ve been told, we had to get through the ‘grieving’ process first. It is my hope that you would keep our family in prayer. I try to remember that every day is a new day for us that has plenty of room for growth and improvement for both my son and our family.
If any of you should have questions, feel free to ask but please know that this is still a sore subject for us. I would appreciate that you be respectful of our situation and if you would like to talk, for now, you can email me at 2rexkids@gmail.com.
Thank you in advance for your support and prayers,
Amber
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